Slice of Life: Fun & Serious Troubles as Well

Traditionally each year my middle sons’ family goes to a friends’ house to celebrate Cinca De Mayo.  ( just an excuse for a party! :)  This year the Kentucky Derby fell on the same day so everyone dressed up and all of the girls ( young and old ) wore hats in honor of the Derby:

Meanwhile if you are a regular reader you may recall that the boy’s dad ( we never divorced officially but were separated for longer than we were married ) died last year.  The youngest had a hard time coping and moved in and out of here ( and I had a hard time coping with all of that as well :)

He got involved with opioids in trying to cope. Since there is an opioid crisis in the country and I’ve seen many a normal person in our area  ( Professionals / people across the board ) die from this I thought to just open up and share.  He got in to Fentynol, a heroin subsitute, but he ( and many ) don’t shoot it…they *just* snort it. He went to rehab about a week ago and Scott ( middle son ) and I visited last night.

So in rehab, for HIM, getting off of the opioid Fentynol  was a three day nightmare and then over, because he’d not done it for very long, and was not shooting it.

What is the REAL nightmare?  Getting over his doctor prescribed meds for anxiety that he’d taken for six years. If you want to really understand the crisis in America today do some research in to what Xanax does to a person’s brain chemistry over time.

Within a few days of detox from Xanax he was rushed to the hospital with extremely high blood pressure, one of his sides going entirely numb…and he can anticipate many episodes like that going forward.

He tried going off of it before…when he was here with me. I had to rush to the pharmacy to get one of those teeth-things that kept you from biting your tongue because he was going in to seizures.

At rehab they currently have him on anti-seizure meds right now.

Just an FYI….there’s an opioid crisis yes, but those anti anxiety medicines are just as deadly and dangerous! If you or a loved one suffer from panic attacks or anxiety find another way to cope with it other than Xanax which destroys your normal brain chemistry over time :(

I hesitated about posting this….blogs are generally supposed to be positive, but maybe truth and honesty will help someone so I am going ahead with it :)

I WILL add this : while my son’s father and I reconciled  and got along over time once our first mutual grandchild was born. when we had marriage troubles and I was beside myself, there was no drug to help me…I took long walks and prayed.

I think that this is is the difference between the drug crisis then and now :(

 

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28 Responses to Slice of Life: Fun & Serious Troubles as Well

  1. Susan Joyce says:

    I commend you for your honesty and for caring enough to share. It’s so hard when our children are troubled, but they are human and have their life struggles, too. We all do. And, thankfully, you have your other sons to love and support him, too.

  2. Karen says:

    you have blogged so little off and on over the past year I thought something must be going on since the death of the boys dad but hadn’t realized it was something like this. It hits so many families and sometimes it just comes out of nowhere. I do hope the help your son is getting well and well get back to 100% eventually – it takes time – and there might be ups and downs – been there done that – one of my brother’s was in and out of rehab so many times I lost track. He finally got back on track and was free of drugs for quite a few years before he died in his early 50’s – he didn’t die from the drugs though – that was past – it was cancer that got him. I think you will find almost half of your readers have probably been touched by the drug problem in some shape – we are with you – vent when you need to – sending positive thoughts to you and your family

  3. Karen Beigh says:

    Such a sad post but I can understand why you wrote about the situation. So hard for everyone to go through.

  4. The crisis is real. It’s everywhere. I know family after family with a member connected to opioids in some way, and it is a lifetime struggle. The issue of the anti-anxiety meds is not normally something we hear about when we think opioid addiction so I’m glad you wrote this post. My heart goes out to you, and will pray you continue to find strength.

  5. Pat in WNY says:

    Bringing this issue of anxiety drugs out into the open is so important, as there is probably not a family out there who doesn’t have someone near and dear to them dealing with this same issue. Some of the anti-seizure meds can have negative side effects as well as I just recently found when I was prescribed one of the most commonly used ones to help reduce a flare-up of spinal stenosis. After only 3 days I had to wean myself off the med completely because of the level of confusion, dizziness and general lack of coordination of thought process and physical issues it caused.

  6. Bernie says:

    Deb, I am sorry to hear of the rough times you and your family are experiencing. Your son must be just miserable – I hope the professionals he is working with can help him get healthy. As his mom, you are probably also miserable. Hang in there – I know you have lots of family nearby so you can all each other. Also, I don’t think blogs have to only have a positive focus. It is valuable to share things that you are experiencing – maybe others will learn from your posts. Take care Deb.

  7. Holly says:

    I have a 32 yo son with Asperger’s Disorder+ OCD. His entire life has been a struggle, and if it wasn’t for prayer & the Lord above I don’t know where he would be. I won’t go into all went through, except to say Xanax was part of it. As a nurse I’ve seen good short term use of it, but as long term drug it’s awful. After years of chaos, we now have peace. He lives independently and visits us often.
    Thank you for writing this. When we were struggling 20 years ago there was really no help & Drs just threw serious drugs at him, hoping one would help.
    Perhaps we can help others struggling with these situations by being open. We all need more love & support. I will pray for him too.

  8. Kim says:

    I am so sorry for his suffering, Deb and for yours. It must be very hard to watch as a mom. The meds are out of control. I agree. My kids are teenagers and I can tell you that a very large percentage of their friends are on anxiety meds…scary.

  9. Oh Deb, I’m so sorry that you and your son are going through this, what a challenging year you’ve had. I pray he will be strong enough to kick this thing – xoxo

    • Kyle says:

      I’m hopeful that your son will find the strength within himself and from those around him to overcome this horrible situation. Thank you for sharing.

  10. Barbara Anne says:

    As a registered nurse (retired) with a son who has cerebral palsy, a husband with depression, and me with lupus, I’ll say in sincerity, a good long look needs to be taken at the many strains of medicinal cannabis and the world of good – without bad side effects – they are proven to do for a myriad of illnesses. My entire family would benefit if it were legal in Virginia. It helps the many afflictions of PTSD but the government denies it to the affected soldiers. In fact, since J. Edgar Hoover vilified cannabis in a campaign of misinformation in the 1930s, it’s been illegal in this country for there to be scientific studies about it. Check out the 3 part series called “Weed” on Yooo Tuube . Perhaps it’s actually God’s miracle drug?

    Wishing your son well.

  11. Sandra Healy says:

    Really hoping things get easier for you and your family. I’m so glad you wrote this post. My children are still too young to be affected by these issues but I am grateful to have been warned now of the dangers of xanax. I appreciate your frankness and will keep my fingers crossed that this is the turning point for your son. Will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

  12. Chris K in Wisconsin says:

    It is such a serious crisis. I am so sorry for what you and your son (thus, your entire family) are going through. What amazes me is the amount of heavy duty drugs that Drs and even Dentists prescribe every day. Even getting a tooth pulled now gets you a script for pain meds!! Seriously?? We used to take a couple of aspirin or Ibuprofen and deal with it. Now, it seems that getting a script as you leave a Dr office is a given. I know it isn’t that simple. It certainly isn’t all or only prescription drugs causing problems. But it seems to add to the mess because so many people think if it comes from a “real Dr” it must be OK. Kids on legal ADD or ADHD scripts for years and years is also a concern. I hope your son succeeds in his fight, Deb.

  13. Margie Miller says:

    Deb, thank you for sharing this. Many of us have been though the drug problem with one or the other of our children. Mine was my younger son.

    That was forty years ago and thank God he finally conquered it only through main force and awkwardness. His dad and I supported him but refused to enable him. I finally told him he was moving out so he had better find a job. At that time he was in college. He got a job and a wife and she managed to finish the job of cleaning him up. She wanted a family and she wanted him clean for that.

    That was the end of all drugs. He later became a youth minister for our church and did a lot of good there by sharing his horrific experience with the teens and discouraging their use of all drugs with his testimony.

    He has been clean all these years, spent over twenty years in the army and was highly decorated. God is good.

  14. FlowerLady says:

    Dear Deb bless your heart for sharing your story. I will pray for your son to be able to kick this thing and pray for you as you love him and encourage him.

    Love, hugs & prayers ~ FlowerLady

  15. Barb says:

    Thank you for your honesty – I do believe it will help others. I’ll think of your son as he goes through the withdrawal from Xanax. I can’t understand why Drs wouldn’t monitor this and opioids more closely since both the anxiety drugs and opiates can cause many problems from over-use. Hugs to you.

  16. Joanna says:

    Debra – I’m so sorry for your troubles. Watching a child go through a crisis is so difficult. Prayers for you and yours. Xo

  17. Yvonne says:

    You are a very courageous woman and mother and your son is also very brave in wanting to free himself from the hell of drugs.I pray that he will find the help and the resources to overcome this terrible affliction. It’s difficult but it can be done with support, love and help from professionals and family. You are all in my prayers. Don’t give up the fight!

  18. Nancy says:

    I wrote to you awhile back when your son had the car accident. I mentioned my serious car accident and the driver who who hit my car and left me. Your son’s loss of his father reminded me of my brother’s grief.
    What I could not write at that time was that two days before my accident, my youngest 24 year old brother was murdered. He was heavy into drugs after our mother died. He owed money to a drug dealer and that man broke into his garage and tried to steal my brother’s classic car. My brother went out onto his front porch with a shotgun but…the dealer was a better aim. He fired just one shot and killed my brother instantly. The day of my brother’s funeral, the dealer managed to steal that car.
    I suffered so much guilt when he was murdered. I was 21 years older than him. When my alcoholic mother was dying of breast cancer, he was only eleven. She begged me to adopt him and take him away from his father/my stepfather.
    My husband refused because I had just suffered two miscarriages in the past and my health was precarious.
    My brother ran the streets for several years after my mother’s death. His father never was there for him. To this day, I believe that I should have moved heaven and earth to take that eleven year old boy into my home and raise him.
    I was so afraid of what drug abuse had done to my brother and what alcohol did to my mother that I refused anti-anxiety drugs and strong opioids after my accident and his death. Instead, I found a compassionate therapist who helped me discover that prayers and love are sometimes the only things that we can offer to those we love who suffer. My own physical limitations could not be overlooked. She also helped me to learn to take care of myself so that I could take care of my two sons. I will pray that you find the inner strength not to become overwhelmed or feel guilty.
    Your son will be in my daily prayers. I hope that God will bless you both and help him heal and recover and that you both find peace and happiness.

    • debralynnpugh says:

      Oh Nancy thank you so much for your story. I am sure it will be as much of a blessing to others who read it as it was to me.

  19. Gosh, Deb what a post, and typical of you to balance your son in rehab with the happy hats photo. I am sure you will find the strength within yourself and through the love of your family to continue coping as well as you have done for many years. You are absolutely right to raise it as an issue. It is frightening what is happening with prescription and recreational drugs the world over. Your post comments have shown you are not alone, this affects us all. You are a brave strong woman, I wish you were closer as I’d pop over to mow that lawn of yours so that we’d have time for a cuppa!
    Massive hugs
    Wren x

  20. Melanie says:

    Oh, Deb…I just now read this and I have tears in my eyes. I am only too aware of the prescription drug and opioid crisis. As I think you know, my oldest son, Phil died of a heroin OD (he was snorting, not shooting it up like you mentioned with your son and the fentanyl) in 2009 at the age of 21. We believe he had started with prescription pain killers, then moved on to heroin – as is usually the case. This is absolutely an epidemic in our country – more than 175 people in the US die every day from opiods. I can’t tell you how many people I personally know that have lost a child or sibling or niece/nephew from this epidemic – too many to count. I try my best to at least educate people about what’s going on in our country. You’d be surprised how many people are still clueless. It terrifies me, especially when some of these people have pre-teens. Or when someone has that attitude, “That would never happen to my child.” NO ONE is immune to this crisis. I will keep your son – and you! – in my prayers. If you need to talk, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

  21. Living in NH I’ve certainly read and heard a lot about drug addiction since our state is at the top of the list of areas dealing with it. I have zero personal experience with it, but my heart is with you as your son travels the path to recovery through rehab. I’ve also had personal issues through the years and although I was offered prescription solutions I just used prayer, exercise, and music to get through it. I think our children and grandchildren have grown up in a society where there are ‘faster’ solutions to everything and drugs fall into that category but don’t necessarily provide a healthy solution. I hope and pray your son finds rehab can help him move forward with all the challenges that life sends his way.

  22. barb says:

    I will keep your son in my thoughts and prayers.
    We are suffering so much in this country for so many reasons. Life is so hard for young people these days. Pressures without and within.
    I know a family personally who is struggling with an Opioid crisis too. You are not alone.
    sending you an understanding hug.

  23. Pat Taylor says:

    This was so tough to read but it must have been incredibly difficult to write. It takes courage to open up and perhaps an unknown individual will take that first step after reading your message. So often, when reading bloggers posts, the impression is that “wow! They lead a perfect life where everything is beautiful.” That is not reality – what you have shared is all too frequent across this nation. May your son continue to know the love and caring from you as he makes his way in a new direction and understands how precious he is.

  24. Joyce says:

    Oh Debra, my heart is just aching after reading this. I am so sorry you’ve been suffering through that situation. I’m uplifted, though, knowing that prayer and family support are present; those two are powerhouses of healing. I will add this intention to my daily prayers. I am confident God will reply to our collective petitions with a positive outcome. God bless you! It’s so painful to see a child struggle.

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